Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

ToS 2: First of Many Posts

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 02:38:36 GMT

1. LLOYD'S VOICE ACTING!!!??? WTF!!??

2. I heart Tenebrae.

3. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET THROUGH THE PLACE (not specified so as to not be spoilery) TO GET VENTUS'S CORE? I mean, I found the hole. Now what do I put in it?

EDIT: Addendum to 3: I found a recorded playthrough of the Japanese release on YouTube and watched it. It has a monster standing where I have that infuriating glowing gate that keeps sending me back to the beginning. I am so confused.

Addendum to Addendum: Also, the walkthrough guy didn't use that hole for anything. Guess I get to come back to this dungeon later to do something with it. This seems oddly familiar...

Got it. I swear that was the first or second thing I tried, though. O.o

In Which My Characters Don't Tell Me Stuff Again

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 23:03:06 GMT

Dear Liviya,

Are you pregnant? If so, I'm not sure how you got that way. I mean, I have a general idea, but the when, where, why, and WHO would be nice to know. Srsly.

Concerned,
Your Player

P.S. If you're not, I'm sorry. You're just acting really, really suspicious. Really really.

boggle

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 08:14:16 GMT

Is there some kind of Internet event I am missing? The three most recent things on my friends page are all troll posts to communities I'm in. And considering that I usually don't see more than one troll post every couple of weeks, this seems excessive.

In Which angel_of_olore Talks About Rock Hard Cock

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 22:49:59 GMT

Dear devilscarpet,

I am not sure how I feel about the fact that you apparently spotted a postcard featuring statue penis and thought, "Behold! Statue penis! I should send this to angel_of_olore!"

Regardless, I love you. And it is a very nice penis. Though... if David was a king of Israel, shouldn't he have been circumcised?

Love,
angel_of_olore

Election Day Meme from pikacharma

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 00:42:33 GMT

1. Stop talking about politics for a moment or two.

2. Post a reasonably-sized picture in your LJ, NOT under a cut tag, of something pleasant, such as an adorable kitten, or a fluffy white cloud, or a bottle of booze. Something that has NOTHING TO DO WITH POLITICS.

3. Include these instructions, and share the love.

Meme: "Post something pleasant!"
Brain: "A bouffant!"
Me: "WTF brain!? ...Okay."

French Lick

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 07:34:03 GMT

Went to a casino for the first time today. I am pretty underwhelmed. It's not really fun to sit in front of a machine and punch the same button over and over again until all your money is gone. I think I'll stick with vending machines. I put in a dollar and almost always win a Mountain Dew.

Finally got my NaNo started, but I'm ready to go to bed, which I will do as soon as I manage to extract my father from the couch so I can sleep on it.

Update

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 09:17:22 GMT

Important-ish events in my life:

1) Doing NaNoWriMo. Won't be updating much.

2) Seem to have an A in all my classes, unless I'm worse at math than I thought.

3) Did not get a Halloween dragon on dragcave. Am v. sad.

4) On vacation until Tuesday. Going to a casino for the first time tomorrow.

5) Voted absentee yesterday. Yes, I voted Obama.

EDIT: The two most important news articles you'll read today (providing that "today" is, in fact, the day I'm writing it and not, you know, Election Day or something): The Stupid and The Sweet.

Linkage

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 10:35:47 GMT

If, somehow, you are a tabletop gamer (or person familiar with tabletop gaming) who has been following the U.S. Presidential election, and you have not yet seen this, go. Now.

I spent my evening playing Super Mario Bros. 3 with geeklovepoetry, and that was pretty fly. (Also, I nearly always typo her username the first time as 'geeklobepoetry'. I am contemplating the meaning of this.)

Why I Love College

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 04:17:38 GMT

So, tonight the founder of fark.com bought me a whiskey sour at Froggy's. Might be the best day ever.

EDIT: Also, I am trying to figure out if I think I'm prettier when I've been drinking because a) the alcohol puts color in my cheeks and lips, or b) I've been drinking.

There's Slow, Then There's REALLY Slow

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 09:59:21 GMT

So, at not-quite-5-AM, at the age of twenty-one and a half years, I realize that Wile E. Coyote = wily coyote.

I Didn't Get Shot

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 22:09:53 GMT

So, apparently CNN picked up the story of shots being fired on Western's campus today, which explains why everyone I know has called me to make sure I'm alive.

I'm alive. Everyone I know is alive. No one's even sure whether there were really shots fired or if it was just an ordinary fight that got blown out of proportion. Regardless, nobody's dead. So don't worry!

...Interestingly, though, this is the second time shots have reportedly been fired this semester. Both times, it was down by the same dorm- the one I lived in freshman year. (For comparison, there have not been other reports of gunfire on campus since I started here.) It's the fact that it's a repeat occurrence that worries me more than anything. I hope they don't keep happening until someone gets killed.

Out of Context

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 05:46:59 GMT

angel_of_olore: "I wouldn't recommend being naked in the whore pile."
unholycookies: "Yeah. There might be a tornado."

Color Quiz

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 08:01:06 GMT

you are steelblue
#4682B4

Your dominant hues are cyan and blue. You like people and enjoy making friends. You're conservative and like to make sure things make sense before you step into them, especially in relationships. You are curious but respected for your opinions by people who you sometimes wouldn't even suspect.

Your saturation level is medium - You're not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it's required of you. You probably don't think the world can change for you and don't want to spend too much effort trying to force it.

Your outlook on life is brighter than most people's. You like the idea of influencing things for the better and find hope in situations where others might give up. You're not exactly a bouncy sunshine but things in your world generally look up.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Asexuality

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 07:46:38 GMT

I found this article on the AVEN website, and I thought it was worth reposting. I particularly like the eyebrows illustration.

Understanding Asexuality from the Outside
by Mark-Ameen Johnson

A friend who rarely mentions sex has not had any in at least a decade. It has always seemed odd to me, but he is someone I really care for, and I accept him as he is.

When I discovered the AVEN board, I put two and two together and got asexuality. I did not want to confront my friend over something he might not be comfortable talking about, but I did want to let him know that I was asexual-friendly.

Unable to concoct a better plan, I sent a FYI e-mail to a dozen friends, letting them know that I was reading very interesting threads on the AVEN board. I even sent links to some of my favorites. My e-mail was not for the other eleven; it went to them so my friend would not think I was singling him out.

He wrote back a few days later, saying he had looked over the board and found it fascinating. He also said he wished he had been born asexual, as that would have made his life easier.

O.K., he is not asexual.

Two days later I received e-mail from a different friend, one of the eleven. He said he had always suspected he was asexual.

I was floored. Friend number two goes on and on about crushes on TV personalities, and I had long ago chalked him up as a typical heterosexual male. Of course, now that I understand asexuality, I know that asexuals may or may not be romantically oriented and may or may not fantasize about fictional characters. I should have known better than to stereotype.

I am really embarrassed to admit this, but my stereotyping goes further. My friend is a very good looking guy, and I suppose I assumed that guys who look like that have a harem of women at their beck and call. And here I pride myself on being a male feminist... Shame on me! And double shame on me for assuming that a handsome man could not be asexual, as physical appearance and asexuality have nothing to do with each other. If handsome men are by definition sexual, then what does that make asexual men? Triple shame on me.

My stereotype says a lot about my values as a sexual despite my efforts not to overvalue physical appearance. Logically speaking, why is it impossible for a Tyra Banks or a Brad Pitt to be asexual? To deny the possibility is to deny the worth of asexuals, to say that sexuality and beauty alone define who a person is.

And here, having reached the semi-ripe old age of 41, I thought myself wise. I clearly have a lot to learn, and the AVEN board is a good place to start.

THE FIRST PREMISE

So, what premise should a sexual who wants to understand asexuality start with? Here is a suggestion: Being asexual instead of sexual is like being left-handed instead of right-handed. It's not the way most people are, but it is no better or worse than being anything else. In a classroom with movable one-arm desks, a right-handed person can sit anywhere; a left-handed person can either sit in discomfort at a desk made for the right-handed or locate a left-handed desk and be as comfortable as everyone else. It takes a little more effort for the left-handed person to fit in, but that is because culture is dominated by the right-handed, not because a left-handed person is biologically inferior.

In the past, left-handed people were thought to be evil: On Judgment Day the damned stand on Christ's left side. Teachers once used physical punishment to force lefties to write with their right hands. Today we know better--and we further realize that some people are ambidextrous (neither left- nor right-handed). "Infinite diversity in infinite combinations," says the Vulcan IDIC.

Accepting equality on an intellectual level is one thing, but how can we sexuals know on an emotional level what being asexual is like? We cannot. Since I am not asexual, I cannot say with certainty what it is to be asexual--just as I cannot say with certainty what it is to be a lesbian, a woman, an aspie, an African American, a Hungarian, a Korean, or a senior citizen. Despite my limitations, however, I can still gain some understanding, and I can use analogies to put myself in asexual shoes; moreover, I can use simple human love and understanding to rejoice in difference and treat others as I wish to be treated.

THE WORLD OF EYEBROWS

Let us now imagine ourselves on another planet, perhaps Alpha Centuari, where the dominant culture is based on eyebrow beauty. In fact, males of the species are said to think about a raised eyebrow every 17.3672 seconds. The Centauri film industry is dominated by eyebrow flicks, once considered too obscene to be shown in public. Touching another's eyebrow is, well, something you still do behind closed doors. Licking another's eyebrow... That is supposed to be reserved for marriage, although there are plenty of teens who slurp in parked cars, far from the eyes of prudish parents. Some teens' grades are bad because they cannot concentrate on academics; all they ever think about is eyebrows, especially big bushy ones.

"What on Earth (or Alpha Centauri) is this eyebrow thing?" you ask. You are aware of eyebrows' existence, and you are perfectly capable of admiring a nice set aesthetically, but who would devote such a large chunk of mental energy and waking hours to... eyebrows? It just does not make sense. You certainly do not want every damn conversation to focus on whose eyebrows warrant a good lick.

Do you see where I am taking this? You have never denied having eyebrows, and you can wax 'em, pluck 'em, or dye 'em with the best of them. But come on, eyebrows?!? There are more important things in life.

Now substitute "sex" for "eyebrows," and you are close to passing Asexuality 101.

BOMBARDED BY SEXUALITY

Back to the real world... In our sexual culture, asexuals are bombarded by sexuality that is foreign to them, made to feel as if they must have sexual prowess to hotrod with the cool clique and not be relegated to the geek squad. We never ask if they are interested in sex; we assume they are. Why wouldn't they be? Sex is great. Sex is the ultimate. Sex is da bomb.

So are eyebrows.

People question why asexuals need to come out, but in a society where sexual desire is assumed and many asexuals find they are forced to lie to be accepted, why would they not need to come out? It has nothing to do with asexual psychology and everything to do with the way we sexuals enforce sexual conformity. Asexuals need to confide in other asexuals, and those seeking romantic non-sexual relationships need to find others seeking the same. Painful self-examination and growing self-awareness cannot be endured in isolation. In addition, an asexual's experience in a sexually crass world may be so painful that self-abuse or even substance abuse may be real problems.

The irony is that sexuals ought to understand where asexuals are coming from. Heterosexual women and gay men sport a sort of asexual sentiment toward women, for example. They may desire them as warm friends, enjoy spending time with them, laugh or cry with them, admire their physical beauty... But it just is not sexual. Similarly, heterosexual men and lesbians have no sexual desire for men, but that does not mean men play no role in their lives.

Now here's the key point: Unless it is part of horsing around that all parties are comfortable with, a sexual advance from outside one's sexual orientation is usually not welcome. A heterosexual male does not want to be hit on by a gay male, and a gay male does not want to be hit on by a heterosexual woman. Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation, and asexuals do not want to be hit on by anyone. When we sexuals claim that asexuality is not normal, we are actually projecting our biological wiring and aspirations onto them. We are hearing our own voices, not theirs.

This is a childishly simplistic definition of sexuality, I realize, and it does not take the full sexual spectrum into account. I am not attempting to define all sexual possibilities here, and I certainly do not wish to alienate bisexuals or people with primary attraction to one sex and low, incidental attraction to the other. They, too, face unjust discrimination and have the right to be who they are. But, I am afraid, this article would be three times its size if I attempted to include all shades of sexual variation in it.

WHY NOT GET "FIXED"?

Back to asexuality. Now that its nature is a bit clearer, we should address the other question many sexuals ask: Why are asexuals reluctant to get "fixed" in therapy or by taking medication? The most important answer is that a number have gone that route, and it does not work. After all, why should it work? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

If you, a sexual pondering this question, had no interest in heavy duty sexual bondage and domination, would you want to take a pill that would turn you on to it? Would you be willing to go to a therapist to explore what childhood traumas supposedly left you unwilling to wield a whip? Would you feel as if you were missing out on being submissive while tied up and splayed over the coffee table? Those who love these sex games feel that non-practitioners miss out on a lot. They would also feel that something had been stolen from them if they were no longer able to express their sexuality in this way. You, however, are unaware of missing anything. You can live a happy, productive life without heavy duty bondage. Or golden showers. Or rubber fantasies.

That is how asexuals view sexuality. They do not crave it, and they do not want to crave it.

WHAT ARE SEXUALS REALLY SAYING?

That last sentence is so hard for sexuals, myself included, to accept emotionally even though we may accept it intellectually. Much of human history is in fact the history of sex, and many great works of art--whether paintings or sculpture or music or literature--are very, very sexual, even if clandestinely. Many people have had to fight for free expression of sexuality, and in many societies sexuality remains restricted or denied. Even today some societies perform ritualized clitorectomies, imprison or even execute gay people, insist that sex be between a married couple and only in the missionary position. Foreign films that are clearly not pornographic must be strictly edited to avoid an X rating in the United States. Several episodes of the Canadian series Degrassi: The Next Generation, particularly the ones about abortion, have not been aired in the U.S. Mind you, Degrassi is about teenagers in high school and is hardly Sex and the City. (The latter show, like Queer as Folk, is only for Cable, not network TV.)

Tell people they cannot have something and they want it even more. People get very touchy about any encroachment on their sexual expression, yet they retain their predecessors' sexual squeamishness and condemn anything seen as sexual deviation. Despite our sexual liberation, we are still products of older generations' prejudices, older religious thought, and contemporary backroom humor. Sex is everywhere, yet it is taboo--and outright dirty.

Here lies the problem. We believe that asexuals are not like "us," so "they" must have something wrong with them. They seem to shove their sexuality (actually, their asexuality) in our faces, and that offends whatever Victorian morality still haunts us. Even worse, if an asexual dares not show "proper" sexual interest in us, we are furious. We want to get laid; who the hell are they to say no? How very sad.

Is sex truly the be-all and end-all of love? For a sexual, it is a key part of bonding, but is it the only possible expression of physical love? What of hugging, kissing, caressing lightly, snuggling, cuddling, and giving an arm in support? Is sex the only thing that cements a relationship? What of empathy, understanding, affection, patience, steadfastness, loyalty, honor, companionship, and shared wisdom?

If we forget so much else and define human relations by sex alone, then what does that say about us?

Vegemite and Life

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 03:53:31 GMT

Today, I tried Vegemite for the first time. It wasn't exactly good, but I don't think it was as nasty as all those YouTube "first bite of Vegemite" reaction videos make it out to be. I also got a button out of the deal, with a picture of a jar of Vegemite and the words "I KNOW NO FEAR." I love my Urban Folklore class.

Also hung out in my dorm-neighbor's room for a while. Played instruments for a while, then chatted, then went out for sushi. I put on emo kid eye makeup and lipstick first (practicing for Halloween), and we sang along to the Lion King soundtrack in the van on the way there. It was lovely nerdy fun.

GPZAH.

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:12:05 GMT

This? Makes my ovaries twitch. Do not judge me.

I Lol'd

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 20:31:23 GMT

geeklovepoetry is wittier than I give her credit for. Her phone has rung three times in the past hour, so I finally looked to see who was calling. It's Kyle, the person whose basement our whole gang hangs out in at home. Her ringtone for him? "Friends in Low Places."

Laaaaate

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 08:55:45 GMT

It is almost 4 AM and I just got back to the room. I've been at unholycookies' apartment making muffins and brownies for the Folklore Club bake sale since about 9. Then I got back to campus and parked in BFE, then made it a third of the way back to the dorm before I realized I'd left my student ID in the van and had to go back for it. That's the first time since high school PE that I actually had to give myself a pep talk to keep walking. I am -so- physically exhausted right now, and not mentally tired at all. Blah.

On the bright side, I saw a fox on the drive home. It made me smile.

Life, Etc.

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 07:30:22 GMT

I believe I am officially committed to being my DSL character for Halloween, seeing as I dyed my hair and eyebrows black today, though I did it primarily to convince my mom to go out on a limb and dye hers too. Hers is a lovely shade of brownish-red now, and I like it.

Life otherwise is decent. Except that lord_atticus and yumi_batto are moving to California. They had a going away party tonight that I went to, and I took rum and myself in fishnets and red satin undergarments as a present.

I'm going to miss them like mad.

Dragonspam

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 06:27:17 GMT

Sorry to those of you who are sick of seeing the dragon sprites, but these two will be dead before I wake up tomorrow if I don't get them some more views (and hopefully a few clicks).

Believe me, I wish I had something fascinating going on in my life to report along with these, but I don't. Life is school right now. Hebrew is kicking my ass and I made a 90% on my test in Juvenile Delinquency. I had pizza for dinner tonight. I'm addicted to waffles. All is well.

Scanning

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 01:52:45 GMT

So, arivess, I'll give you three guesses what we learned to do in my poetry class tonight. You won't need two of them.

Context Would Explain Too Much

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 04:05:36 GMT

Quote of the Day (for Yesterday): "Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you can't participate, honey!"

Oooohhh...

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 08:58:43 GMT

Presenting: unholycookies' worst nightmare.

(Personally, I find it fascinating.)

Religious Studies Fail

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 03:57:47 GMT

Somehow, between wishing yumi_batto a happy birthday and everyone a happy Michaelmas, I neglected to realize that today is Rosh Hashanah. So, in addition to those other things, l'shanah tovah!

Happy Michaelmas!

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 05:58:06 GMT

And also happy birthday to yumi_batto.